One Way to Lose Your Knickers…

Losing your pants is always a classic story revolving around too much alcohol and a night full of mistakes. They’re great stories to be told over and over between friends. My story is not so classic. My story is set in the office, shame-faced and sweating asking a manager for my underwear back…
First let me explain. This never would have happened if my luggage – that’s still being deducted from my paychecks for the next year – didn’t decide to up and die and adamantly refuse thereafter to cooperate and be fixed. I lay all blame with TravelPro and their meaningless Lifetime Warranty.
After my bags’ suicide, my airline leant me a loaner with a gimp wheel and a stubbornness to always veer left. After one trip I was ready to hurdle it out the galley door at 30,000 feet. So, before my next trip, I bit the bullet and added a new bag to my payroll deductions. In a hurry to report to the gate I threw everything in a heap into my new working, wheels-like-butter bag and took off, returning the loaner and racing down the terminal as fast as my 4” heels could carry me. It wasn’t until later that night in my Austin layover hotel room that I realized I didn’t have a single pair of the underwear I’d packed. They’d all been left zippered in an inside compartment of the bag now sitting in the Manager’s closet in DFW. Worse still was knowing that I had another 2 full days of flying ahead of me with no clean underwear.
Losing your knickers is not meant to go so horribly wrong.
I immediately decided I wouldn’t go back for them. I mean, how could I?!I couldn’t show my face in there with dignity ever again! But after one flight the next morning in a dress and pantyhose and commando underneath, dignity be damned.
I devised a plan. I’d ask the Managers on Duty if they found anything in any of the pockets of one of the roller boards… they didn’t have to know which one. If it became obvious they knew my secret I’d fake search one of the other bags instead then walk out. I’m sure the next renter would be in for a surprise. If they hadn’t opened any of the bags, I’d be in luck and stuff my pants in my purse and no one would ever know. So I went in and asked and surprisingly I was in luck! That was until the Manager took me back and watched with interest as I mindlessly searched every other pocket of the bag, but I’d made it this far. When he made it apparent that I wasn’t going to have any privacy I told him he probably wouldn’t want to see what I’d lost. Understanding at least, or more likely thinking it was something much worse than a few pairs of underwear he walked off laughing.
I couldn’t have gotten my underwear and gotten out of that office any quicker. He was still laughing as I let the door shut behind me.

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3 responses to “One Way to Lose Your Knickers…

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